laws of the house of god

1 Jun

from THE HOUSE OF GOD, by Samuel Shem, M.D.
–haven’t read this in a few years, but came upon this list again recently.
–my favorites are #’s 3 & 6.
–enjoy

  1. GOMERS DON’T DIE.
  2. GOMERS GO TO GROUND.
  3. AT A CARDIAC ARREST, THE FIRST PROCEDURE IS TO TAKE YOUR OWN PULSE.
  4. THE PATIENT IS THE ONE WITH THE DISEASE.
  5. PLACEMENT COMES FIRST.
  6. THERE IS NO BODY CAVITY THAT CANNOT BE REACHED WITH A #14G NEEDLE AND A GOOD STRONG ARM.
  7. AGE + BUN = LASIX DOSE.
  8. THEY CAN ALWAYS HURT YOU MORE.
  9. THE ONLY GOOD ADMISSION IS A DEAD ADMISSION.
  10. IF YOU DON’T TAKE A TEMPERATURE, YOU CAN’T FIND A FEVER.
  11. SHOW ME A BMS (Best Medical Student, a student at the Best Medical School) WHO ONLY TRIPLES MY WORK AND I WILL KISS HIS FEET.
  12. IF THE RADIOLOGY RESIDENT AND THE MEDICAL STUDENT BOTH SEE A LESION ON THE CHEST X-RAY, THERE CAN BE NO LESION THERE.
  13. THE DELIVERY OF GOOD MEDICAL CARE IS TO DO AS MUCH NOTHING AS POSSIBLE.  
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